The stupidest thing occurred to me at one point. Mom had not gone to a lot of the kids events in the last year or so because she couldn't see to drive at night. It occurred to me that if she were still here that she surely would have been there to see Amanda sing that night, and suddenly I had the sads in full force. What's stupid about it is if mom were still here she'd be living at home and I wouldn't be and the kids wouldn't be at Deer Creek in the first place for her to come and see anyway. But, I thought it and it made me sad and on we go. I'm sure that this won't be the only reminder from Deer Creek that tells me that I miss mom and dad. After all, I'm living in their house.
I started a facebook of my own a few days ago. I never had any interest on my own, but a niece invited me, and a lot of the extended family has a facebook, so I joined up. They have started a group called I HEART the Lazy J, to remember all things Granny and Papa Dodgen. Well, I don't just HEART the Lazy J, I own it. It's my home. But if you HEART the Lazy J, and you're reading this, then you probably know why I'm crying right now and you know what I wish was different out there right now. So many years of memories of coming in the back door, not as the master of the house but just as the son. I guess I still wish on some days that I'll open that door and hear dad call out Hellll-oooo from the other room, or see mom sitting at the table drinking tea and looking out at her birds. Still though, it's home, and if I have my way about it I'll not live anywhere else from now on. And to everyone that is a HEARTer of the Lazy J, that back door is still as open to you as it has been for going on 30 years now. If you are nearby, stop in, anytime. It's a lot different now, but it's a lot the same too. There's a balance there that I guess I'm still learning. It's both comforting and saddening at the same time to look at Tandy sit and watch the television while she works with her needle and thread. It's new, and yet it sometimes brings a flood of memories of another gal that used to do the same thing. I don't know how to explain it, you either get it or you don't.
Come by, we'll have dessert and sing a song, then maybe we'll remember those that have led the way before us. After all, they were the HEART of the Lazy J, and they are the reason we love it so much.
2 comments:
So, you're sitting around posting on your blog and crying. And thanks to you, I'm sitting in the lab reading your blog and crying.
Good work.
:)
I love you, and am so thrilled to get to come home for the wedding.
ad
It's the blog that keeps on giving I guess. It's funny how often I start writing about one thought and end up going in a completely different direction by the end.
Love you Audrey, see you soon! Oh, and thanks for starting the facebook group thing. You kids are, in a word, well.....Neat-o
Craig
Post a Comment